Underpants
2009-10-19 - 9:18 p.m.

I've been having some pretty rough nights lately.

I'm not even sure what to say about it, aside from wishing these anti-depressants would start doing something.

On Friday night Kate and I went over to BZB's to watch "There Will Be Blood", and about halfway through, Bryce and Joe decided to get pantsless, and then so did Ben, and then Kate and I did too. So the boys were all sitting around in their boxer-briefs and t-shirts (Kate wasn't wearing pants, but covered herself with a blanket), and then Joe decided to run to get wine, and then we got drunk watching the rest of the movie (aside from Kate).

And it was so much fun. Maybe even the most fun I've had here.

Joe and I were cuddling on the big chair before we started drinking just because he's like that, which I fully support since I enjoy cuddles so much. I'm starting to question his straightness a little, but very very little.

Ben is also a frisky drunk, so my ass got grabbed several times throughout the night/early morning, and he would just grab my face and kiss my cheek. It was cute.

Zack got back to the apartment around 2:30 stoned, and just sort of shook his head at all of us.

He and Ben went to bed around 3:30 or 4, and I didn't leave until basically 5:50, to sleep at 6:30.

They don't want me to leave.

And now I'm so conflicted. I know I still fully plan on leaving...I just don't know for sure that I should go after this semester.
And I'm not how sure a counselor would help me with this, because I've basically looked at all the aspects.
It's just the decision.

I will miss these people (or most of them) regardless of the time I leave.

I've been exceedingly lonely lately, like I said in my last entry.

I am missing something. Or many things.

And once again, it's that time of year.
The last day Jeff spoke to Ian was on the 14th. I still don't know the exact date that it happened, and I don't know if Jeff does.
I don't know that I want to know.
Three years.

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