There is no talking penguin in The King and I
2009-10-07 - 6:08 p.m.

I have had my own room for a week now, and it's been such a relief.
Like I can breathe.

Though the past few weeks have been pretty busy, and I'm finding myself exhausted, but not able to sit still, or to really rest.

I think my voice lessons are going well, so that's also good.

"...and finally, from these powers something good...Finally. Something good..." -Elphaba

I don't think I've written about this yet - I have another audition for the musical program at WMU. I wrote to Jay, the head of the program, and he's allowing me to audition again. And now that going back to Western is possibility, I really want it. And that scares me because I don't want to be crushed again.
And I want to start preparing NOW. Like, I want to know for sure what monologue I'm doing, and what songs I'm doing, and make them PERFECT so that they tip the scale, because (assuming I'm moved on to the dance portion) my dance audition will not exactly be wonderful.
All I can do is put in the work and the effort.

Leaving here is going to be difficult. I'm scared about staying for the spring, and I'm scared of leaving.

If I leave, that means I won't be in Metamorphoses (or whatever show I'm cast in). And the communication with my friends here will probably dwindle down to nothing (based on observation of the people who've already left).
And money. Will I have to get a job? Will that make me even more miserable?
But I'll have real time to work on my material. And myself. As long as I put in the effort.

If I stay, I might grow a little more in skill and be more prepared for my other school auditions, but then I have to deal with everyone knowing and talking about me leaving, and maybe even missing school to go to the auditions.

Amalia's not being supportive about this, and I don't really want to talk to the others about it. Mainly because she doesn't want me to leave. She thinks that I should just go through it and then do a musical grad school, but that's not what I want. Sticking it out and feeling shitty the entire time isn't worth it to me.

In other news, I don't know what to do with my hair. Not that I'm really allowed to with the show.

Oh, and I've also been mulling around the possibility that being stuck in a blackbox theatre all day every day somehow contributes to my depression. Just something I've been wondering about.

Oh, and if I leave, I could audition for Rent at OTP, which could either be a very cool thing, or very eesh thing.
I think my chances of being cast as anything either than Angel or chorus are low, but if I was Angel, hoo gurrrrl.
But then there'd be the issue of gas money. Unless I was like living at Joe's or something.

Hm.

lead arrow - gold arrow