Heap Big Sigh
2009-09-20 - 10:33 p.m.

...every weekend I'm getting the 'please don't make me go back. Please. Please.' It's growing more than going away.

I don't want to stay here like this.

College is really nothing like I imagined it would be, or I guess what's proposed by various media (aside from the drinking).

I went in to see Deborah on Monday, and she gave me a semi pep-talk, which uplifted me for about...an hour. And then I just felt like complete shit again.

I saw the psychiatrist on Thursday, and she gave me some samples of lexapro, which apparently is less likely to have side-effects than other anti-depressants.

Colin got here yesterday morning, and we went from the train station straight to the Midori Kanazawa noh workshop/presentation, which I forgot about until Ben called me on the way back. I felt guilty for dragging Colin along. I thought it was required of me to go, but not many people were there, so I was annoyed. I'd wanted to just go back to my room with Coco and cuddle.
We watched Quantum of Solace later, and went to Walmart to shop for party stuff with Zack (and I bought Clueless - it was in the 5 dollar bin. Score.), then had dinner at Yen Ching, and then got ready to go to the party. The party was supposed to be for the juniors since they leave for Russia tomorrow, but barely any of them were there.

We both had trouble sleeping last night. Maybe because we shared an energy drink earlier? I'm not sure. We put in Clueless before going to sleep, and both fell asleep during, but woke up right around the end.
We had sex around 3:30am, and then finally got some sleep.

We didn't start to actually get up today until around noon. Went to the caf, came back and actually watched Clueless all the way through. And he had a ton of cat-naps today, so we were cuddling most of the time.
We decided to have dinner at Applebee's at 6, and then roamed around Barnes & Noble for a bit until it was time to go to the train station.
Barnes & Noble has a ton of journals that I want, AND they still have a bunch of Wicked stuff on a table. There's now a nifty pop-up book, along with all the other random Wicked stuff. And a giant 2010 wall calendar.

And now I'm back in my room, and feeling shitty because I have to go back to school tomorrow.

And because Colin's gone, but I'll get to see him again next weekend (and his parents and sister). I wanted to go with him. Sorry Dekalb, my time here has expired.

And I'm kinda feeling shitty about my 21st birthday being on a Monday. And nothing is happening.
I'm definitely expecting it to be...well, another ordinary day.

DIANA
It only hurts when I breathe

DAN
It only hurts when I try

GABE
It only hurts when I think

NATALIE
It only hurts when I cry

DAN
It only hurts when I work

GABE
It only hurts when I play

NATALIE
It only hurts when I move

ALL
It only hurts when I say,
It's just another day

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