Nothing is good enough
2009-09-08 - 11:31 p.m.

It was really good to see Kyle (everyone calls him Alex now).

I really wish he'd do something to really take care of his body. He could look so great if he just tried and stuck with it.

Driving to Oval Beach was frustrating as fuck, and I really wish I could've just gone right to Kzoo, though Jess' apartment is FILLED with cats. 10, to be exact. And oh it smells like it. They're all really fucking cute, but still. Jezuz.

I got lost, and Alex had no service at the beach, so I was driving around for about an hour more than I should have been trying to find it.
We walked along the beach and out to the pier, and then back, and left shortly after that. We both had tbell (which I don't remember ever happening -always just me), and headed to Kzoo.

I was kind of yearning to drive by WMU, but it was really out of the way, and it was probably a good thing we didn't. I was already crying before I left, and seeing the school would've probably made it that much worse.

He bought us coffee and food, and then we went back to the apartment and cuddled for a while.

Everyone of My Boys has a part of me. And they'll always have it.

I got back last night completely exhausted and depressed, and Matt saw me in the stairwell, and I ended up going over to his place. We talked about my depression and issues, and he made taquitos, and we watched most of Casino Royale. It got to the torture scene, and I was well past ready for bed, so we turned in. Cuddled and passed out fairly quickly.
His apartment is very...welcoming, and I really just wanted to hang out there all day. And it makes me yearn for an apartment of my own. Though paying the bills is a terrifying thing to think about.

But. If not by the end of this week, Hopefully I'll be in my own room next week. Hopefully.

I really need to talk to Deborah about what's going on with me, but I have to make an appointment and stuff. So many appointments. I wish I didn't have a class RIGHT AFTER hers.

I really do not know what to do about school.
I want to be singing and acting and drawing and learning languages.

I feel so so lost.

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