You be Peach, I'll be Link
2009-09-01 - 11:32 p.m.

I had a good long talk with Ky tonight.
And I also talked with Gately, and sent an email to Deborah and Stanton.

Ky and I started talking about me first, and then, as always, about us, and then the rest was him.
He talked mainly about Geoffy, this guy he was seeing (for about 4 weeks) who reminds him a lot of me, and I was actually a little stung because he didn't tell me about this when it started. Plus, to be honest, I was a little jealous.
But Geoffy is apparently in NY now, and wants to continue an exclusive long-distance relationship with Kyle, which is a little bit absurd.

I feel like he and I are coming more and more to an understanding of each other, which is a good thing.
And I'M finally offering him some support, instead of just asking it of him and not reciprocating.
I'm so tired of holding resentment.

And I do miss him. So very much.

If only I could have the wisdom then that I have now.

Though, at one point, I may have avoided meeting him entirely, because of the pain he caused.
But at the same time, without him, my loneliness at school would've swallowed me whole, and I would've never had the happiness that he brought.

I'll always remember the day we met. Though that's not as sentimental as it sounds, because it was the same day I found out that Ian was dead.
But I had comfort that night.
I wasn't trapped in my room crying.
I had someone to hold me.
Oh, and we watched Sleepy Hollow.

I'll always remember that room. How much time I spent there; sleeping on the futon and (begrudgingly)playing Smash Bros. and eating Papa John's.

So much history that feels like not-so-long ago. Only a memory away.

He's supposed to be going to Korea for a year, and it actually upsets me. A, because I have this fear that something terrible will happen to him, and B, because that kind of distance is just...so. Far. I mean it's not like I can just go out to visit him any time right now, but still, it's somewhat doable.

And it's a really selfish reason. It feels like he's leaving me.
That's how I always feel when people go away: You're leaving me.

I still remember how upset I was about Boozy and Kat going on exchange. I was the one being left behind.

And my biggest fear is being all alone. Everyone abandoning me.
The image I get with this feeling is a childish blonde me, a little bit of light at my feet, but other than that, darkness all around. Pitch black. Me, the orphaned prince, standing alone in the midst a giant black void. Crying.

I want to keep everyone I love near me because I'm afraid of losing them.

But no thing can ever remain unchanged.

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