Soaking wet
2009-08-26 - 10:22 p.m.

I am having yet another school-related panic attack.
Where once again, I feel like I can't handle going here. Like I want to leave.

And a lot of it has to do with the problems I have with the general school system, and Gately's class.

Once again, we're doing activities. I thought we had moved on from them; that at the end of last year we were done.
We have to do them again now, for God knows how long, and I just...have absolutely no ideas. At all. I am so sapped.
And I feel so defeated.
And like I'm just scraping by.

This environment is so taxing on me.

But I would be miserable if I left, too.
I can't be stuck; I can't be ordinary.

I've tried to talk myself out of it and tell myself that I'll be ok, and that I'll figure it out, but it never works because I don't KNOW.

I am going to the counseling office tomorrow, and I find myself wondering how long I'm going to have to do that.

It seems like the more I learn and recognize things about myself and my actions, the more I sink.

I don't even know what to say anymore. It's all the same thing over and over again. I have such little hope or faith. Full of can'ts.
I can't do this.
I need someone to switch the dials in my brain and give me some positive.

The despair and despondency is just dripping from me, staining everything I touch.
(that's a good line for emo poetry if I've ever seen one)

Things don't really seem to be getter better, do they Da?

I think we're long overdue for a miracle.

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