Tight spaces
2009-08-22 - 8:12 p.m.

I am miserable already.
As in, I feel like I need to go find somewhere to have a breakdown.

I am dying for classes to start so I can get the hell out of this fucking room. Or for HIM to get out of this room.
And right after movement on Monday, I'm going to the housing office to at least get on the waiting list for a single. And I'm praying that it happens FAST.
I really wish that fucking house would've worked out. Uhg.

I'm not trying to be whiny bitch about all this, but it's happening regardless.

I think it's ironic that thusfar JT has been my best roommate. The messiest perhaps, but really chill and gone all the time. I wish the fates could get me a roommate that I'd actually be FRIENDS with.
But then this is also a result of me being unsure and not being proactive. Amalia asked me several times about apartmentish stuff, and at the time I was just like 'I don't know for sure that I'm coming back', and so I didn't do anything about it.

Why don't I ever fucking LEARN from this?

To my credit I guess I was proactive about the room in Andrea's house, but the owner just never fucking called me back.

I've used fuck a lot in this entry. I'm really hating things right now.

I secretly wish my roommate has some sort of new-to-college freakout and moves out. Tomorrow would be a good day for that. Or tonight.

Topic change.

It seems like my relationships with ex-boyfriends don't end (Jordy excluded). In some ways that's a good thing I suppose; I don't hate any of them and none of them hate me. But it's also kind of odd. And it's not even friend relationships that continue, it's romantic relationships.
In a way I'm flattered that even though we're not together anymore, they still really care for me, but at the same time I'm not sure it's healthy. Another signfier of how I can't let go.
...I can never think of these things when I'm in a counseling session.

I bring this up because I might be able to see Kyle for a little bit on Monday.

I value privacy and being alone because then I'm free, but at the same time I'm so needy.

Anyway, I need to get ready to go to the first theatre party of the semester. Bryce and I are meeting the freshies down in the lobby to walk them over.
Yee-haw, as Da would say.

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