Blurred and numb
2009-02-08 - 9:26 p.m.

Another wasted weekend.

Begun with thinking 'oh, I'll do this, and this, and this, and then this...'

Not so much.

There's a car alarm going off outside and it's pissing me off.

I felt like shit on Friday, so I didn't go to my lab. I don't actually remember anything else that happened that day.
I think that's when I started a new painting, but then I got stuck and stopped.
I was also called by everyone at Kat's party, all drunk, and I was wishing I had driven home.

Saturday...nothing. Last night was Troy's birthday party, and it was actually pretty fun, and I was flirting with basically all the boys there(even the all but two were straight) just because they were drunk/high and I could.
At one point I groped Phil, and then later we were sitting on the couch and he asked me about sleeping with one of his roommates, and oddly enough my mind ran to Kevin and not Michael(the gay one). Weird.
Oh, and I had some pretzels.

Came home and felt awful, and called Da.

I miss him so much.
I want to go to Florida with them and go to FSU.
I didn't plan on typing that, but it's true. Or that's what I currently think I want.

I really don't know what I'm going to do.
And I don't have time.

Today I felt shitty, talked to Da for a little while, and then went to Rabbit Hole. I honestly don't really remember the day very well, and can't remember my phone conversation with Da at all aside from that I started crying, and that he said he would call me again before the show.

My room is a mess. I've just been dropping clothes wherever, and just leaving things around because I just don't fucking care.

Mom has been calling a lot lately, and it's annoying. "You know, you can call and talk whenever."
Obviously, I don't want to.
I only called that one night as an act of desperation.

I haven't really talked to Philip in a while, and it makes me sad (well, what doesn't). He's been going through some shit, and I assume it's with/about his ex-boyfriend, and he deleted both his facebok and dlist, and I'm not sure what to say. The first week was constant communication all the time, and now it's rare if he responds to an IM or text.

I miss Eric so much too. The comfort and affection.

I use 'really, just', and 'want' a lot.

I want to escape. "Later life. We'll see if I decide to come back."

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