And the tragedy
2008-12-14 - 10:16 p.m.

I (finally) have my appointment tomorrow to hopefully get some anti-depressants. I'm really...speculative about them working.

I'm pretty exhausted from yesterday. I went with Katie and Taylor (and Caleigh and Logan) down to Grand Rapids to see "Repo: The Genetic Opera", and I knew it would be a better decision not to, but I wanted to do something, so I went along.
The weather was really shitty (hate hate hate hate hate hate winter), and it took longer than it should have to get there.
I did see a really cute/tall/blonde guy at the theater though, and then it turned out he was also seeing the same movie. We shared a glancing moment.
"Repo" was pretty graphic, and I'm really wondering how they do that on stage. I didn't really like it. I thought it was unique, but I don't think I'm going to voluntarily watch it again.
The drive back was awful. The roads were covered with ice, and it took us two hours just to get to Big Rapids. We pulled off and stayed at a Holiday Inn (Katie's dad works for hotels or something, and paid for the room). I slept really badly, and thought I wasn't sleeping at times when I really was, because of dreams I had being in the room.

I'm running out of ambien, which is not going to be good for being at Eric's for basically a week.
I still need a black dress shirt to wear to "Wicked"(!!!). I'll have to rummage through Squeedge's closet tomorrow after my doc appointment to see if he left one. Have to wear all black and my green tie. Have to.

And then I have to have something nice to wear for Eric's xmas party thing, but I'll just steal something of his.
...you'd think with all the clothes I have that I could just wear something of my own. But I don't have anything dressy.

Moving out of my room proved...not that easy. And effing leaving DeKalb. Again.
It adds to my theory of that place just being a trap.

I still haven't registered for next semester's classes. There's still a hold on my account. And all this shit with financial aid, or the school in general, just makes Western look so much better. And Logan was talking about choir and James and stuff yesterday, which made me miss it.
I really want to take voice lessons again.

...I actually want to be in a musical program. Or at least a school that DOES musicals. It's rare if a musical is done at NIU, every few years or so (as I'm told).
I enjoy singing more than acting, even though I'm shaky at it. I think I've actually gotten worse. Or my anxiety has gotten worse, which in turn makes me second-guess everything, plus I have such shitty breathing...uhg.

And now, because I'm thinking about things, I'm getting really depressed again. No wonder depressed people do drugs and drink a lot; it distracts them from the shitty things.

At least 'Defying Gravity' will make me happy. Well, being at "Wicked" will make me a little happy in general, but especially 'Defying Gravity'.

Sigh. I do not want to drive to Eric's. I wish someone could just come pick me up at the end of the week. ...or drive me home. I've just been traveling for a while lately, and am sick of it. Plus I don't want to deal with this winter shit.

...I have a very bad attitude.

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