Even though your spirit's broken
2008-06-03 - 1:05 p.m.

I thought Demi was warming up to me a little bit after I came home, but it really hasn't changed.
She's basically afraid of everyone, which happened last summer when we brought the new kittens home.
I don't really even feel like she's my cat anymore.

I've realized something I'm pretty sure I've recognized before.

I need something to pine for, something to obsess over. It's not always a person, but there's always something.
I'm think I'm in the transitioning stage right now.

Da isn't making it any easier to not be totally crushing on Joe.
During one of the times I grabbed his ass last night, because I get right up in his face to say the line, my nose definitely touched his, and I was like *bluuuush*.
I certainly don't MIND any of it, and was actually a little disappointed last night when Da changed his mind about Joe picking me up, but Joe and I are gaying up the stage enough as it is.

I've been in such a bad slump, which is really not productive.
I'm also afraid that the ambien is giving me some sort of short-term memory loss, which would explain why Kyle would forget so many things.
Or it's that I have so much on my mind.
Or both.
When Boozy and I saw Sex and the City, about 20 minutes in something snapped in me and I just started crying. It wasn't even a depressing part of the movie, and I don't really know why it happened.
Maybe because I was so used to seeing movies with Kyle and cuddling and stuff? I dunno.

Though I do think my lack of being touched makes me feel a little more awkward during rehearsal, when Joe is leaning on me or whatever.

There are so many things that I think about writing in here during the day, but then I completely forget them when I actually have the chance.
And then I sit here thinking of things to write. It's been an hour since I started this.

Da said some stuff about our characters on Sunday that made think 'omg, just like Gossip Girl. Joe is Blair, Chelsea and Jeffery are Jenny, and I'm Serena!'
Chris could be paralleled with Georgina, but there's no one really to pair Sara up with. Benvolio's too nice to be compared to one of those characters.

I keep going back and forth on deciding if I want my hair chopped or not. Well, not CHOPPED, but cut.
I wish I could just go and say 'Do something that's fits my face and is a little edgy', and they'd be like 'aiight', and amazingness would happen.
Not likely.

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