And you'll feed the ghosts
2008-10-10 - 2:50 p.m.

I've been considering chopping my hair off again.

I talked to Matt about stuff last Tuesday, and to Amalia on last Friday. I didn't tell Matt about the cuts, and I didn't tell Amalia about how left out I've been feeling.
Matt gave me a bunch of really good hugs, and some tea that is supposed to help you meditate, and I begrudgingly drank it, and it actually made me a little high.

He hasn't really shown any signs of wanting to be anything more than friends (aside from that one night/morning), and that saddens me.

I've pretty much stayed stagnant. Days blur together.

I actually could've gone home this weekend, because I didn't have shop today, and last night I didn't go to rehearsal because I'm sick.
Not sure if that would've helped anything, though. Waste of gas.
I wish people could/would visit me, but it's so far, and I don't have any means of housing them.
I need a futon or something. Of course there's nowhere to put it when I'm not at school.

I need my own room.

There's a safety in being by myself. No inhibitions, no fear of what the other person might think.

An author who owns a gay bookstore in...New Jersey or something, found my deviantart, and actually wants me to do some cover art for him. Haven't talked to him that much about it, but he sent me one of his books. I started reading it last night, and it's not bad.

Though with my art lately, I find myself getting very stuck. I'll start something, and then not know what to do with it if I'm not liking what's happening. And a lot of it actually has to do with color. Color and light. If I'm looking at something, or using a reference, then I'm usually fine, but if I'm working purely off my imagination, things look...off. And not engaging. I'm putting so much thought into how I want the image to look that I'm not allowing any creative process to happen.
It also doesn't help if the program lags.

There's a dance being thrown by Prism, the LGBT group on campus, and the group of us might go. There's on on Halloween too, and we're all planning on going to that one.

I'm sure there was more I had to talk about, but...I fail. I'm gonna go straighten my hair.

lead arrow - gold arrow